Thursday, October 18, 2012


"Hypothetical" situation of the day:

1) You are potty training your toddler. You patiently stand by, and wait while they finish. You help them get dressed, etc.

2) Later, you enter the bathroom by yourself for a few moments of peace and quiet, just as mother nature intended it. You forget to lock the door.

3) Assuming that being potty-buddies is a two-way street, your toddler runs up and flings the bathroom door wide open, shouting: "DADDY, CAN I WATCH YOU?!?!"

You: "Close the door honey..."
Toddler: "HUH?"
You: "Close it please."
Toddler: "WHAT DADA?" *academy award winning innocent face*

4) Your other children begin gathering outside the bathroom wondering what all the commotion is about...

5) You decide that sometimes it's better for a man to pee sitting down.

You: "Close the door NOW please!"
Toddler: "LIKE THIS?" (closes door two inches, leaving about 4ft of space to go...) "LIKE THIS DADDY?!" (moves door another inch)

6) Your other children realize what is happening, and instead of closing the door, proclaim: "Eww!" and flee in all directions.

7) The toddler closes the door so it's just wide enough for her face to fit through, Three Stooges style. "LIKE THIS DADA?" You mumble: "Sure, whatever. I don't care anymore..."

8) You flush your dignity down the toilet.

9) You emerge from the "REST"room announcing to your all-female posterity that if anyone saw anything they haven't seen before, you will be available for questions later... once you have returned from getting "LOCK THE DOOR!" tattooed on your forearm.